Happy Sunday!
Here's a little help with Sunday scripture study. If it helps, here's a Nestible (free printable) for you to use.
Happy Sunday!
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Death happens differently for each person, but the outcome of it is the same for everyone it touches. We are left to mourn someone we love and a chance to live again. My sister died about two months ago. If you’re new you can read about it here, here, here, and here. If you’ve been with us for that long, you basically know the story. I still don’t understand why she’s gone, and that’s okay, but I wanted to share my "tips" for dealing with death. Hopefully they can help you too.
How have you coped with the death of a loved one? Add to the list in the comments! UPDATE: Right after I initially posted this I realized the post title should actually read, "Coping with my sister's death and things that HELP". Because coping with death is on-going...it never really goes away. We remember every day. We live on every day, but it doesn't necessarily make the missing go away. It's a daily thing. I still hope you can find the post helpful to you. Remember to read the comments that have been added for more ways to help cope! (11/06/2013)
Here are some last minute journal cards (4x6) for the Relief Society broadcast tonight {so excited!} You can download them here or click on the images and "save as". Also, big THANKS to everyone who has downloaded the General Conference journal cards for next weekend. Can't wait for that either!
I saw a picture the other day; it was a woman, with three kids ages 3 years, 2 years, and 8 months. The mother looked like she just walked out of a sporty Victoria’s Secret commercial. The caption for the picture was, “What’s your excuse?” At first I was offended. I was definitely fit before I had my first child, but I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy despite continuous exercise, eating the same amount of calories, “giving in” to my cravings for vegetables, and my doctor telling me I was "gaining too much weight". As someone who has always struggled with a healthy body image (read "fear of being fat"), being pregnant and gaining weight was hard. I wanted to be one of those "skinny pregnant" women. Hearing my doctor say I was gaining too much weight made me cry. I vowed I would be "skinny" again. After my pregnancy I managed to lose thirty pounds, but still ten pounds heavier than my previous weight, I was unhappy with myself. Even though I wasn't overweight, I thought to myself, “Self, you need to get skinny. You can’t be the “fat” mom. You only have one kid. You should be able to lose this weight.” I never did lose those ten pounds, despite continued exercise; biking, walking, pilates, yoga, Jillian Michaels, etc. When I saw this picture with an “apology” to the moms she had offended (me being one of them) I wanted to throw my phone across the room like a two year old. Then I realized, “How sad.” How sad that motherhood has been reduced to your dress size, ab count, and “what’s your excuse?” How sad to act as if motherhood is a beauty pageant and if you’re still hanging onto those extra ten pounds then shame on you. How sad that we think that we aren't worth as much as the next mom because of our appearance. Motherhood is more than being the hot, skinny mom. Motherhood is more than how busy you are, how many extracurricular activities your child participates in, or how long you nurse your kid. Motherhood is about nurturing. Motherhood is about teaching your child skills; how to behave in public, to say “please” and “thank you”, to discipline, to teach independence and self-reliance. Motherhood is about love; learning to love and teaching your children to love. Motherhood is about charity. Motherhood is about who we are as women, whether we have children or not. We can all be mothers, love each other, and lift one another up. So instead of asking you, “What’s your excuse?” I’m going to ask you first, “What do you want to change?” and secondly, “How much have you changed since yesterday?” This is for all aspects of our lives; health, church, school, children, friends, etc. It’s okay to have that extra weight. It doesn’t make you a bad mother. Every day is a new day, a day to feel better, be better, and do better. Now I'm going to tell you and if you can relate to this post I hope you feel it: You are beautiful. You are wonderful. You are doing enough. Motherhood is more than our appearance. Motherhood is about our hearts and our actions. It starts, and ends, with love. Oh, and here is a quote if you want some comic relief:
How do you prepare for General Conference? I simply write down the questions I have on a piece of paper then ponder and pray about having those questions answered in General Conference. For me, it's a great way to stay focused and receive personal revelation during conference. You can read President Uchtdorf's three steps for preparing for general conference here. We have a little over a week until General Conference and I am so excited! It's one of my favorite times of the year. I went ahead and made some journal cards that you can download here or click on the images and "save as". You can use the photo protectors found here to slide your journal cards into. {3x5 quote cards} {3x4 question cards-write down the questions you need answers to. on the back write down the answers to that question} {4x6 journal cards}
When my sister died, I changed my profile picture on Facebook to a little badge I made with her motto, "I choose to be happy". That same day, a handful of our Facebook friends changed their profile pictures to the same badge/picture. It got me thinking to myself, "Self, I can inspire good simply through a profile picture". Then I decided I was going to do just that. All the time.
Because I'm tired. I'm tired of being viewed as naive because I believe in God. I'm tired of being openly mocked because of my beliefs. I'm tired of people glorifying immorality and sneering at those who don't. I'm tired of a lot of things, but mostly, tired because I feel like I gave up trying to spread truth simply because I was afraid of offending people. Pslams 119:46 I will speak of thy testimonies also before kings, and will not be ashamed. I decided to make a series of LDS-oriented badges for my profile picture to uplift, inspire, and to take an active stance for the things I believe in. I'm sure you've seen profile pictures change to raise awareness about certain things; politics, diseases, etc. I want to raise awareness for truth. I invite you to do the same. This is what you do:
This first one is just in time for General Conference and will be used through October. I've made a stand: "I will speak of thy testionies also before kinds, and will not be ashamed." Please join me! Have you heard about Project Life? It's basically just a cute way to do some memory keeping. I'm REALLY bad with writing a journal, but I think these project life journal cards I've seen floating around Pinterest are totally adorable. So I've made some 4x6 journal cards for you to download! Just jot down a quick line or two, and keep them in a 4x6 photo protector! You can insert pictures as well. It's a quick, easy way to keep the memories alive! Right click on the photos and save as, or click here to download a printable PDF. These are free for personal use or for use in your classes at church. Please do not redistribute for personal gain/commercial use.
Maybe I'm sharing too much. I don't know. There's no manual for these sorts of things. But it helps me. Here are Leila's last thoughts on Pinterest. We get an email when someone has an interaction with us on Pinterest. We get one even when it's one of us that pins from our personal accounts. Aug 4th-5th was the night/morning that Leila went into the hospital and the last time she was conscious. When I saw an email saying Leila had "liked" something from LDS NEST's Pinterest boards I took note of the date. It was the 4th. I took note of the time, it was 10:10 pm, about 5 hours before her last words. Since her passing, there's a need to connect with Leila any last little ways I can. I wondered what she'd been thinking as some of her last thoughts so I clicked through to the pin. Here's what it was. This is such a bittersweet tug on my heart. It does me good to know these were some of her last thoughts. And maybe she unknowingly left a little message of choosing to be happy by daring to be bold, making it happen, and being unforgettable. This was so Leila. She may have "liked" it but she really lived it also.
This is a post no mother (father, sister, brother, spouse...) wants to write. Writing it makes it even more real. And the realness of it hurts my heart. My daughter Leila died this month. I'd like it to all go away - the middle of the night phone call; the realization that something was very wrong; the birth of her child a month early; a devastated spouse; her father far away in the middle of the ocean; doctors, nurses and tests; understanding a blood hemorrhage on the brain stem; the week in intensive care; the baby in newborn intensive care; organ matching and donating; a grieving family; and a funeral. And that is just the beginning. Obviously it's effected our family deeply. My emotions are raw and I'm at a loss on several levels. Leila's my daughter and my friend. The phrase 'a heart breaking to pieces' is no longer a metaphor for me. It was and is very real. As LDS members, we know of the Plan of Salvation, have an understanding of Eternal Life, and that our family can be together again. But for now, it hurts. Leila was a part of LDS NEST and her being gone effects what happens here. I've changed. Alisha's changed. We need time to figure out what that feels like and what it looks like for LDS NEST. The one decision we could make is that we will stop with our monthly Newsletter and Notes for a time. I'd like to be able to give more detail about what that means for the subscription but I don't know. I just know we need time. We're likely to still post on this blog. It will help us. Maybe it'll help you too. Lastly, know that the Lord has worked through so many good, good people with a remarkable outpouring of love for our family. We've not been left alone. There's more on my mind and heart that I want to share but for now this is all I can do. This research into the 3 different lives that lead to happiness answers a few questions that some of us have. Namely, how can people who do contrary to the Lord's gospel be happy? And how can people who do and sacrifice so much for the gospel still be happy? The principles and practices our LDS lifestyle matched up to the happy life ideas Seligman talks about might give a little insight. (MY thoughts are listed below in pink.) I believe there are three different... happy lives. - Martin Seligman 1 • THE PLEASANT LIFE
2 • THE ENGAGED LIFE 3 • THE MEANINGFUL LIFE
RESULTS "... we ask the question as a function of the three different lives, how much life satisfaction do you get?" It turns out the pursuit of pleasure has almost no contribution to life satisfaction.... Where pleasure matters is if you have both engagement and you have meaning, then pleasure's the whipped cream and the cherry. It was interesting to see which areas I spend my time doing and my relative happiness. So, really I shouldn't be weary in well-doing. So should the phrase be, 'don't weary, be happy'? Okay, I'll say it, "uhh No!" Looking at this, lives 2 & 3 are where I want to be most. But I do like a little whipped cream pleasure in my life.
What would you add to these lists? Anyone who is a mother knows that the words “joy” and “motherhood” are rarely used in the same sentence. M. Russell Ballard said, "The joy of motherhood comes in moments..." As someone who didn't plan on being a mother (ever), the word “motherhood” gives me a mild anxiety attack. As do the phrases, “I’m pregnant!” and “when I was in labor…”
My sweet baby, Caeden, is now 16 months old (just under a year and a half for people like me who hate to count). And guess what…he is such a joy! Not all of the time of course, and really I can’t complain too much on the days he is less than joyous. I only have one little monster to escape from. Then I realized something. Motherhood isn't something that I should want to escape from. I can make joy happen! While some of these may be no-brainers for you veteran moms, they were news to me! Here are my seven ways to enjoy your little one(s) and put JOY in Motherhood:
Stay tuned because next week I'll tell you what I've learned about motherhood! In the meantime, how do you enjoy your babes (children)? I love General Conference! I always look forward to it, so excited to get some more direction. I learned so much, but I tried to narrow it down to the most important thing for me. "My part matters because I matter." The thought is from Sister Elaine S. Dalton's talk. Sometimes I compare myself to what other people my age are doing; they have careers, are in school, are traveling, etc. I look at myself; I never finished college, never had a career, and haven't traveled outside of the west and central United States. I start to feel sorry for myself and see all of the "unfinished" things I've done. I start think that what I'm not doing isn't as important, but it is! I realize it doesn't matter what I've done or haven't done in the past, what matters is where I am now, where I am willing to go, and what I am willing to do for the Lord.
What I do matters because I matter to the Lord. What you do matters because you matter to the Lord. We all matter, and like Sister Dalton said, we can make a difference because we are different. One of my personal goals from Conference is to stop the pity parties, get outside myself, and make a difference where I am. I don't have to have a career. I don't have to be in school or travel to some exotic place to make a difference. I can make a difference where I am now, in the Middle-of-Nowhere, Missouri, and you can make a difference where you are too. Be happy, my Nesties! Let's make a difference, no matter where we are! |
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